We all want the same thing as parents: to give our kids the best. We want them to be confident, happy and resilient. We want them to grow up with love, respect and encouragement.
But sometimes, we may say things that can hurt their feelings, lower their self-esteem and make them doubt themselves. These are the comments that crush our kids.
Have you ever said something like this to your child?
- “Your sister/brother/friend is your better role model.”
- “You’re so lazy/stupid/clumsy.”
- “You’ll never amount to anything.”
- “Stop crying. You’re such a baby.”
- “You’re too fat/skinny/tall/short.”
If yes, you may not realize how much these words can affect your child’s mental and emotional health. They can make them feel unworthy, unloved and insecure. They can also damage their relationship with you and with others.
These comments are harmful because they send negative messages to our kids about themselves and their abilities. They can make them feel ashamed, guilty or angry. They can also lower their self-confidence and motivation.
Experts say these comments can affect our kids’ development and well-being.
For example, when we compare our kids to others, we make them feel they are not good enough or have to compete for our approval. We limit their potential and creativity by calling or labelling them with names. When we threaten or belittle them, we make them fear failure and rejection. When we dismiss or invalidate their emotions, we make them feel unimportant or understood.
How can we avoid making these comments?
We need to be aware of our feelings and thoughts to avoid making these comments. Sometimes, we say these things out of frustration, stress or anger. We may also repeat what our parents told us when we were kids. We need to recognize what triggers us and how to cope healthily.
We also need to think before we speak. We must ask ourselves if what we say is genuine, kind and necessary. We must consider how our words affect our kids and their feelings. We need to choose our terms carefully and wisely.
Another thing we can do is to pay attention to the positive. Instead of criticizing or comparing our kids, we must praise them for their strengths, efforts and achievements. We need to express our love and appreciation for them often. We need positive reinforcement and encouragement to motivate them and help them grow.
What can we say instead?
We can say many things instead of these comments that crush our kids. Here are some examples:
- Instead of “Why can’t you be more like your sister/brother/friend?” say, “I love you for who you are. You have your own talents and qualities that make you special.”
- Instead of “You’re so lazy/stupid/clumsy.”, say, “I know you can do better if you try hard/work smart/be careful.”
- Instead of “You’ll never amount to anything.”, say, “I believe in you and your dreams. You can overcome anything that stands in the way of your success if you are determined. Just set your mind to it.”
- Instead of “Stop crying. You’re such a baby.”, say, “I understand you’re feeling sad/angry/scared. It’s okay to cry and express your emotions.”
- Instead of “You’re too fat/skinny/tall/short.”, say, “You’re beautiful/handsome just the way you are. Your body is healthy and strong.”
Remember that your words have power. They can build up or tear down your child’s self-confidence and happiness. Choose them wisely and kindly.
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