Parents and Emotional Availability

‘Enjoy till it lasts’ – my mom would say, whenever I cribbed about lack of privacy after Kuku came into my life. As Kuku is growing, I can sense his urge to be independent. Although I try to help (which ideally I shouldn’t for his benefit), there are a few things he insists on doing himself. Gradually he will be a grown-up man and would not need me for anything, still, I will always be available for him – emotionally.

There is one thing I missed from my parents in my growing years, i.e. emotional support. I took decisions under pressure and failed. Did succeed in a few yet was unhappy at the end of the day. I felt hopeless and depressed. I only wanted to be understood by my parents but they had their prejudices about how one should only make society approved life choices and always succeed in them. I do not blame them for the attitude, because they had grown up with this mental conditioning. That failure is unacceptable at any stage of life. It’s difficult to change one’s mindset after a certain time, and for a child (read – an adult) trying to condition his/her parents mentally. Unimaginable for our generation, at least in the circle of people I know.

I want to break this stigma around failure. It’s nothing to be ashamed of if one fails. Failure is a part of our life and we learn from failures. I want Kuku to make choices and fail, rather than lead a life pressurized by societal norms. I won’t tell him how to live his life but would support and guide him with my life experiences. He may take my advice or leave it, again his choice. 

What do you think about this approach?

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