It’s been 10 years with Mr. Husband and in conjunction we can jump and say “Ours is the perfect relationship, we are a couple straight from the heaven” but we are not going to crack any such jokes. Nothing in this world is ideal, there are no fairy tales; we learn, unlearn and relearn. The cycle goes on. Similar is my relationship with Mr. Husband. We have our own ups and downs but over this decade we have built our own relationship theories. It’s not that we have engraved it somewhere on our home walls but that just formed between us subconsciously. So here I present our 10 most important theories on the eve of 10th wedding anniversary.
- Never sleep over a fight
This is the first and very important rule. First, you will never get a peaceful sleep after a fight, you will keep sulking and get up grumpy the next morning. So, it is always better to finish today what started today. If you are too tired, the conversation is going nowhere, and you need a time off, then go to sleep but remember to get it to closure first thing in the morning instead of dragging it all over next day.
2. Have at least one meal together
In a metro lifestyle, it’s impossible to sit and have all your meals at peace but make sure at least one of them is with your better half. We strongly recommend dinner time. That’s the best mealtime to unwind from the day and discuss the ups and downs you are going through. This helps create an emotional bond which gets stronger with passing years.
3. Respect each other’s choices but don’t impose boundaries
If she doesn’t like cricket and he doesn’t like Bollywood, so be it. You came in their lives at about 21-25 years of their age, and they have been this way for so long. Its unjustified to expect them to start liking what you like. Likings partially resemble habits; it can’t be changed overnight and why do even contemplate to change. Let them be. Accept the variety of things coming your way and heterogeneity will become the spice of life.
4. Have your own space and maintain those set of friends
It’s not necessary to have the same set of people as common friends. You can keep your old or any new friendships unimpaired. Marriage does not implore hanging out with common friends only. Its fine to take a weekend off and go with ‘your’ friends for a day outing or shopping or just meetup over a beer. Truth be told, sometimes you do need a break and such meetups don’t mean that you are going on a sabbatical in your marital life, it’s just a damn break.
5. Believe in their dream
Sometimes it may happen that you are unable to understand their vision or thought process. Its not necessary to agree with your partner all the time. As Mr. Husband and I say every time our opinions mismatch ‘I agree to disagree’ (and that happens quite a lot). This does not mean we stop believing in each other. Disagreement is just to the thought process but your faith in them and subsistence to let them follow their dream should be at 100%.
6. Support when it’s raining
One shoulder may not be able to carry all the responsibilities all the time. If one is going through a hard time the other should be present and ready to take up a few on their own shoulders. This is the time where perseverance and characters get tested. You may not be able to take complete accountability like them but offloading for a bit will allow to recover their spine and come back to track in full spirit.
7. Trust, if you plan to spend your whole life with this person
Sometimes people are married for years but still don’t know what exactly the partner is doing, or where is all their money invested or even where is their office located. There cannot be hidden pointers in a marital relationship. When we start hiding such simple facts or whereabouts of our life it will only end up creating mistrust and distance. But when you start sharing even the silliest of details with them; you and your partner will be able to resolve any kind of trivial matters in future.
8. Talk, even the unappetizing stories can become comics of life
When I say talk, I mean talk about everything. It is all the nitty gritty stories from your childhood to your college affairs to office stressors, everything. Your partner should be the one knowing what happened then; by contrast of someone else coming to them with a story. Also, this helps build trust and a psychological bond, as your partner is the person who will be your go-to or maybe even a punching bag when need be.
9. Love, it’s the romantic feeling not amorous
When we hear love and marriage, the first thing that comes to mind is sex. Nope, bitter truth is that sex is a substantial part of just the initial phase of marriage, later it is just a sweet little perk of marital life. Love is that spiritual connection where your partner can figure out what’s in your mind by looking at the face expression itself. Its that romantic bond where you are even able to enjoy the silence with each other.
10. Never Never Never Ever Cheat
This one is the last point as it is the last thing that shouldn’t even cross one’s mind. Not only in marital relation but cheating is a strict no in any relationship. This is the worst you can do to your partner who has already given you their soul and mind. It does not mean that we promote continuing a suffocating relationship. If that’s already the stage you are in, then prefer getting separated instead of cheating.
Bonus Tip: Never argue or fight over a phone call, it will be a fruitless unending conversation, rather what you can do is Hang-up, Meet-up and Patch-up.